p.Song - 中華民國建國一百年主題曲《我們的一百年》

The last part is here:   Song - 心債 1984

I have not blogged for a long time since I have been alone. Alone facing the white world. Cold and wintry. Everywhere around me is pure white. Nothing's growing. No friends. No contacts. No favours to ask. No deeds to pay.

Suddenly saw the videos via some forum. Suddenly my tears seem unstoppable.

After 5000 years, the chinaman has been forced time and again to wonder into the wilderness.

According to page 17 of Dr Calhoun's Experiment:

"No small part of this ugly barbarization has been due to sheer physical congestion: a diagnosis now partly confirmed with scientific experiments with rats – for when they are placed in equally congested quarters, they exhibit the same symptoms of stress, alienation, hostility, sexual perversion, parental incompetence, and rabid violence that we now find in the Megalopolis."

At the top of the hierarchy, the leaders were extremely increasingly aggressive towards the lesser beings, protecting their turfs with sheer ugliness. The lesser ones became exceedingly withdrawn and docile, no longer bothered about their lives.

According to page 35 of Dr Calhoun's Experiment:

"In his early experiments in the outdoor pens, Calhoun had witnessed a creative act by his rats that he likened to the discovery of the wheel by man: when building a new burrow they did not simply dig out the dirt as they went, as any normal rat would do, instead they packed it into a large ball which they then rolled out (Calhoun 1973b). This innovation had not come from the socially dominant animals but from a highly disorganized and predominantly homosexual group of subordinates, partially withdrawn from the larger social organization. As Calhoun saw it, the repression they had suffered at the hands of their superiors had resulted in deviant, creative, and thus adaptive behaviour (Calhoun 1977: 30). Inspired by this example, in his laboratory at NIMH, Calhoun attempted to design rodent universes that would both stimulate, resulting in “creative deviants,” and ameliorate: removing the worst excesses of crowding pathology. Through a variety of methods, such as operant conditioning and determining which of the mice and rats could eat, sleep, live, with whom, he sought to design ever more intelligent and collaborative rodent communities, capable of withstanding ever greater degrees of density."

Now you understand why taxi drivers can give birth to army scholars in that fucken little island and later misused by the fucken old guy like lap-dogs (just read Animal Farm by George Orwell).

Intelligence like what I have always suspected is a curse. It has nothing good. Based on space competition, humans are forced to be intelligent and ruthless.

My tears are drying now. Loneliness is important part of the quest. For my future generations, I am willing to lay my life for them. I felt like a one-man country. I will soldier on and see my battles through, no matter how lonely that quest would have to be.

My partner-in-crime recently said, "My brother, would you ever like to be the lorry behind your bloodied relation's Porche engine?"

Yes. Bloodily wise and clear in his thoughts. I will never bother them about my sorry station. For that, my current quest should not falter. The foundation stone has already been laid by their fore-fathers. I am here only to build that wall around all the forbidden cities and the Tiananmens, or Gates of Heavenly Peace, protecting them from snow and heat.

The signs so far have been positive. The white has been extremely kind to me. They have given me time and space to build what I have lost. But, I can't say the same for chinamen that I know. They are busy pecking at my feet for droppings. Maybe they were too driven by circumstances to behave like that, but I am still not convinced that I should show mercy.

Next week, I have an important meeting to attend. This meeting hopes to cement my relationship with the whites. Basically, I am the dole-provider, but they have to give me good rates. I just have to be outwardly kind and submissive.

One white felt so bad about my current station that he volunteered his drug business to me. He asked to be his runner. In return, he would give me food and shelter. It is interesting in that the whites don't kill like the yellowskins, they prefer to help the lesser beings. I might seem to be abusing their kindness and generosity at this moment. But, I would pay them back by employing their youngs giving them food and shelter in time. I am not selfless, I am just been being exact.

Let this essay be a record of that promise:

If I have been helped by the stronger whites, I shall return that favour to help the lesser whites in time. 

Let me, if tengri is willing, reveal my hundred years of 建國 too ...